Kadang kalo lagi sedih, saya jadi suka banget makan- apalagi yang enak-enak - apalagi dibayarin- apalagi dianterin. SUKA BANGET.

tapi kalo suka makan saya jadi gendut, terus kalo gendut saya jadi sedih lagi, terus kalo sedih saya makan lagi. Gitu aja terus sampe hokage ke 4 dibangkitin lagi.

dan Kata simbah *uhuk* google,  banyak cara buat ngeovercome kesedihan, pacaran, main game, harbolnas (gatau kenapa temen saya seneng banget kalo lagi hari belanja nasional, padahal beli juga engga), makan sate (kalo yang ini saya banget), nonton film, dengerin dangdut, nonton film sambil dengerin dangut *eh(?).

Tapi pernah gasih kalian gatau kalian sedih kenapa, sedih aja gitu. 

WELL, THAT’S ME 

meskipun mostly karna liat isi dompet, engga, engga.

Ive diagnoesd with major depressive disorder

Bahasa enggressnya depression, Bahasa gaulnya depresi. 

it’s a mental health issue, that negatively affects how you feel, the way you think and how you act.

So I was like, feeling sad all the time even I don’t have reason for it, like LITERALLY 0 reason.

•    insomnia

•    Loss interest of everything

•    Feeling worthless

•    Suicidal

•    And many more 

Aku kutip dari https://www.psychiatry.org

The death of a loved one, loss of a job or the ending of a relationship are difficult experiences for a person to endure. It is normal for feelings of sadness or grief to develop in response to such situations. 

Those experiencing loss often might describe themselves as being “depressed.”

But being sad is not the same as having depression. The grieving process is natural and unique to each individual and shares some of the same features of depression. Both grief and depression may involve intense sadness and withdrawal from usual activities. They are also different in important ways:

artinya:
kamar mandi sebelah mana ya mbak?

engga, engga. Intinya sedih gasama seperti mempunya depression, diputusin pacar, temen kita meninggal, diPHK terus kita sedih itu natural respon dari diri kita tentang suatu realitas tapi depression engga, like aku bener bener gabutuh alasan buat bersedih, itu dateng aja gitu, kaya mules, dateng tiba-tiba. padahal 10 menit yang lalu, 1 jam lalu I was fine tapi tiba- tiba, ive suicde thoughts, its annoying and sad ffs.

But what can I do? Ive never ask for this? Who would asking for this kind of feelings?

ITS SO FOOKIN TERRIBLE

i hate being sad 

i hate to crying at midnight and do nothing about it

and most of all, i do even hate myself

Well im not that 24/7 sad tapi sumpah ini menyebalkan sekali gabisa merasakan Bahagia.