i don’t want to fight to always be happy
i don’t want to be the best version of myself
i don’t want to be productive everyday
i don’t want to split myself between my mental states
i want to have a melody that will flow and crystallise in your hands
so you could see 
not one
not two
but twenty of me

when i was 20 i decided it’s time to start WAITING to live
covering protruding parts of my stomach
blushing whenever someone is watching 
while i take off my shirt
looking in a mirror, saying i hate you 
to keep myself empty for another day

am i still waiting or do i just ignore 
the voice telling me you are not enough 
and like everyone else?
these are swallow unrests